The Five Stages of Drinking a Cup of Tea


You've got your tea in your favourite cup, the colour looks good and you're gasping for a cuppa. 


But what are the five stages of drinking a cup of tea? 


Hesitant sips 
The opening gambit of drinking a cup of tea. If you're anything like me then you can't wait to get stuck in but caution is required. We've all experienced burnt lips and tongue from going in too early. It can spoil the rest of the beverage and has done so for me on at least 6 occasions 


Confident gulps
The tea is cooling and so let the good times begin. I usually find myself smiling at this stage knowing what awaits me. 


And what does awaits me?


A delicious cup of tea that's what!


The Golden Age
Now we're cooking with gas! The tea is at optimum temperature, sometimes I'll have one big sip then go in straight away and have another one. I call this 'the doubling up'. This is the stage where, in my opinion, the tea drinker is at their most happy. 


They're in the comfort zone. 


They've got tea swilling round their mouth and life is great! 


Cherish this moment.



The Final Swig
This is where we're nearing the end of the experience now but there's one final decent swig left. It's a tough time. Often at this stage I'll try and reflect on the tea I've just quaffed. Remembering how delicious it was. This is both a happy and sad time. 


The Dregs
The tea is probably cold, there is very little left and there may even be some suspicious bits at the bottom of the cup. But what the hell, let's drain it. 
And remember, there's always another one just round the corner. 

My plate arrives and it is as I ordered. I see the following:
2 poached eggs
2 sausages
Beans
Mushrooms
2 bits of bacon
Half a cooked tomato
Taking the matter into hand, I plunge my knife into the first perfectly poached egg. The yoke oozes out and mingles with the bean juice (just as I like it). The yellow flow isn't sufficient to reach the mushrooms but I'll sort that out with the next egg. I cut up a piece of egg and pop it in mouth. It goes well. I look forward to more but not yet. It's time for a bit of bacon. Crunchy. It's good. I quickly follow that with a mushroom/ bean combo that goes down very well. What next? Sausage that's what. I cut into the first and playfully eat it. Laughing to myself at the irony of everything. Once that has been consumed I ruthlessly move on
Egg
Bacon
Beans
Mushrooms
Nothing is safe from my jaws. By this stage I am ready for the next egg. Skillfully I move it next to the mushrooms. My plan for yolk soaked fungi is going well. I make the incision and watch the flow. It is mesmerising and I am mesmerised. But time is moving on. The second sausage is quartered and used to mop up yolk. Classic. The rest of the egg soon follows. What else was I to do? I survey the carnage. All that's left is half a bit of bacon, a small mound of mushrooms, the tomato, 3 pieces of cut up sausage and approximately 11 beans. Will they be eaten? Yes they will. By me. In this clash there can only be one victor and, by the heavens, I intended it to be Ben Green. I move some of the beans onto my fork and pop them in my mouth. At this stage I am unsure what will happen next. This excites me. I like it.  Without thinking I eat the bacon. Before I have swallowed the mushrooms join it in my mouth. Under different circumstances this could have been a joyful moment. Bacon and mushroom together in my mouth. Who knows what could have happened. But there is to be no joy today. For today, they are being eaten. I swallow them after I feel they have been chewed enough. It is nearly over. The remaining beans go into my facial orifice. Realising the clock is ticking and my sausage may be in danger of getting cold, I mop up the remaining yoke and finish the meaty sock. Once that's been handled I see off the tomato.

I look round the cafe and note with a certain amount of knowing confidence that several people had witnessed me devouring the meal. I think they'd learned a few things today. 

I leave the cafe, happy.

So I want to make a short film but I have no idea how you get started. Actually, I do. You write a script. Well, I've written a couple of scripts. And at least one of them is in pretty good shape. Some writer chums have looked at it and given me feedback (which I've then nicked and incorporated). Basically, I think I have a short film script that is ready to go. So now what? I think I need to get a producer who in turn will help with funding, then director, etc. But how do you find a producer? I've registered with a few filmy networky sites but there doesn't seem to be a straight forward way of getting people on board. I'm pretty sure the best way to do this is via a production company who want to flex their short film muscles but I don't have those connections. Not to worry, onwards and upwards, as they say. I'm pro-active so it's just a matter of time before you'll be losing interest in reading anything about me as I promote my short film for the umpteenth time (I've never spelt 'umpteenth' before. I like it. Feels good). Obviously, if anyone out there has connections they want to share please don't be backwards in being forward.

This year I've been quite disciplined on the writing front. This is usually a bit of an issue for me as most of the time there's no deadline (as in, I've got no commission or there's no producer asking for my stuff). So you have to set the deadlines yourself and I'm prone to bouts of laziness, watching box sets, getting distracted by the internet, napping, playing x-box or (the worst of them all) playing Rome: Total War. So I've started 2013 by going back over my 'big writing pads' and transferring my ideas to relevant documents. I've been mostly focussing on getting a big list of sketch ideas together. It's quite interesting going back over old notes. Sometimes an idea is quite good, sometimes I read an idea and wonder what the hell I was thinking writing that down. 

Anyway, (I like to start my third and final paragraph with 'anyway'. It shows the reader that there isn't too much left) today I have some things to promote. The first thing is a sketch I've entered to Dave's Comedy Shorts. It's one me and some chums shot a while ago but if you get a moment then please check it out and give it a thumbs up as it needs the hits. Here it is - Street Encounter! I think there's still time for it to shoot up the Dave Comedy Shorts chart!

The other wee thing I'm promoting today is episode one of a web series I filmed before Christmas. It's on the Boom Central TV youtube channel and its called Off Da Roadz. Here's episode 1 baby! 

Before I go buy Dredd. It's amazing. My favourite film of last year. Here's the link to the DVD on Amazon.

Hope February is treating you all well and remember they're your trousers, you can put them on how you want!

It's Friday night and I'm not out drinking. I went out last night and have an early start tomorrow so thought it best to save myself. Ben Green will be required to be on top form tomorrow.

I'm pretty tired and my eyeballs are really aching. I've done four days of post production paper work in a row and you really have to stare at the screen. It takes its toll, I can tell you.

Anyway, in order to look snazzy for tomorrow's shenanigans I washed my snazzy shirt. I casually clicked the 'double rinse' button and the bloody thing just won't stop. I honestly think this programme has gone on for four hours. 

It keeps stopping for a few seconds and I get up thinking it's finished only for it to start up again as soon as I get near the machine.

I'm really not in the mood for this 'double rinse'...

Once I finish this I'm going to watch Red Dwarf. It's not what it once was but I'm very much enjoying it. Will there be another series? I certainly bloody hope so.

I've, also, just remembered I was supposed to go out for someone's b/day drinks tonight. Oopsie. Sorry about that Mark. Next year mate, next year. (i've just tried to link to his website or something but I can't find anything. Not even a twitter account, so I'll just have to link to a picture of a mark on a sofa)

So I will leave you with these words of advice. Never go for the 'double rinse' when you're tired and want to dry your clothes over night. Please pass this on to friends and loved ones so that they may learn from my dreadful error.

So I'm house sitting for my mum in Kent for a week. Nice air out here. It makes me feel a bit less paranoid being out in the open countryside. 

My main duties for the week will be feeding and walking the dogs. Mum has 4: Lottie, Lil, Rudi and Bear. Lottie and Lil are rescue labradors and Rudi and Bear are chihuahuas. Bear, it seems, is terrified of me. He won't let me pick him up unless he's cornered and when I do, he's a quivering wreck. 

He weighs about as much as two pairs of socks and I really want him to like me! 

I'm hoping by the end of the week Bear and myself will be laughing at how afraid he was of me. I tried giving him treats, talking gently to him, leaving him alone, not leaving him alone, I even tried lying on the floor (to be at his level) stroking him under the chin. He just quivered even more and peed a bit.

Other than Bear not liking me, everything seems to be going well. I walked them twice today and let them off the lead (except Bear. If he won't come back to me in the house I dread to think how I'm going to get him back out in the wild). When the dogs come back you're supposed to treat them. Rudi ate one of his treat biscuits too quickly, wretched and sicked it up. He tried to eat his sick but I managed to drag him away. Dirty little bastard.

Anyway, my plan is to do a load of writing while I'm here and so far I've not done too badly. And, yes I am counting this as writing. Because it is!