2 poached eggs
2 bits of bacon
Half a cooked tomato
Taking the matter into hand, I plunge my knife into the first perfectly poached egg. The yoke oozes out and mingles with the bean juice (just as I like it). The yellow flow isn't sufficient to reach the mushrooms but I'll sort that out with the next egg. I cut up a piece of egg and pop it in mouth. It goes well. I look forward to more but not yet. It's time for a bit of bacon. Crunchy. It's good. I quickly follow that with a mushroom/ bean combo that goes down very well. What next? Sausage that's what. I cut into the first and playfully eat it. Laughing to myself at the irony of everything. Once that has been consumed I ruthlessly move on
Nothing is safe from my jaws. By this stage I am ready for the next egg. Skillfully I move it next to the mushrooms. My plan for yolk soaked fungi is going well. I make the incision and watch the flow. It is mesmerising and I am mesmerised. But time is moving on. The second sausage is quartered and used to mop up yolk. Classic. The rest of the egg soon follows. What else was I to do? I survey the carnage. All that's left is half a bit of bacon, a small mound of mushrooms, the tomato, 3 pieces of cut up sausage and approximately 11 beans. Will they be eaten? Yes they will. By me. In this clash there can only be one victor and, by the heavens, I intended it to be Ben Green. I move some of the beans onto my fork and pop them in my mouth. At this stage I am unsure what will happen next. This excites me. I like it. Without thinking I eat the bacon. Before I have swallowed the mushrooms join it in my mouth. Under different circumstances this could have been a joyful moment. Bacon and mushroom together in my mouth. Who knows what could have happened. But there is to be no joy today. For today, they are being eaten. I swallow them after I feel they have been chewed enough. It is nearly over. The remaining beans go into my facial orifice. Realising the clock is ticking and my sausage may be in danger of getting cold, I mop up the remaining yoke and finish the meaty sock. Once that's been handled I see off the tomato.
I look round the cafe and note with a certain amount of knowing confidence that several people had witnessed me devouring the meal. I think they'd learned a few things today.
I leave the cafe, happy.